Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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