somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize