Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
