that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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