I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
