I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
