I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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