oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water