before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk