Betty ford says i'm here all night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
