i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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