I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
