Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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