you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
