Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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