I smell stomach acid.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
