I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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