I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
