She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
