well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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