He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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