Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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