i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
