Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
