Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
