He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
