She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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