Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
