I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
