During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
