why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
