my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
