Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
