Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
