Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
COCAINE IS GR8
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