I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
