eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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