also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
