I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
bring money and cleavage
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
