I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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