i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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