he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
