dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
