so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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