just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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