Sponge bath it is.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
