Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
