As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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