I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
