Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
