Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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