Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Someone came in the potted fern
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
