Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
