I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
