I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
