Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize