yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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