So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
