i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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