Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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