i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
