Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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