I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
