So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
