I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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