You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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