I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
